Chapter 33

‘My god look at you’re bump Selia’, Saffron said opening the door and ushering Selia in out of the cold. ‘So how did it go.’ Selia followed Saffron in to the living room and threw her coat over the sofa. ‘I still think they shouldn’t have had to question you in your condition’, Saffron continued.

Selia pulled her jumper down over her stomach and unbuttoned the top button of her jeans. ‘I felt the same but I also know but I was so tied up in the case. I guess they just had to make sure I wasn’t involved in what Steven was doing voluntarily. Anyway they figured that out pretty quickly. It was actually incredible how sophisticated his scam was. My luck was that Steven never let me in on what work I was doing. I was just ignorantly working away believing I was helping to draft trusts.’

‘So what’s going to happen now?’

‘With Steven I’m not sure yet but I would imagine he’ll be disbarred and probably go to prison. Apparently he stole over thirty million pounds from his client’s trust accounts which he managed to hide through a network of fake investment funds which he managed through a company he owned. No wonder I had no idea what was going on. The irony is that I was involved in drafting all these documents which means that the experience I gained was really high level compared to other newly qualified lawyers.

‘And what about you?’ Saffron asked tentatively. ‘Presumably this makes things a little difficult work wise? I mean it shouldn’t but I guess it must.’

‘No your right and I really don’t feel that I could keep working at that firm. The Judge told Charles an application would have to go to the law society outlining everything that has happened but that the most likely thing is that they will suppress my name and that the last years should count towards my qualification.’

‘God you must be so relieved’ Saffron said handing Selia a glass of orange juice. ‘.

Selia smiled. ‘I am relieved. And I don’t think I could have done it without Charles. He has been so great.’

‘He’s a very nice guy isn’t he.’

‘He’s incredible. You should have seen the way he looked after me during the trial. And what’s even more amazing is that he’s planning to meet with his collegues next week but he thinks he should be able to find me a job with his firm as a newly qualified lawyer. I´m in a bit of a daze really Saffron. I´ve never known anyone to be so kind to me and I don’t quite understand it.

‘How so.’
‘I don´t know. It’s just like you and Toby. When I think about the way I behaved when I first met Toby, there’s absolutely no reason in the world why he should have agreed to help me in the office that night let alone speaking to Charles about what was going on. And then Charles offering to take on the work and instruct a barrister on my behalf. I just don´t.’ The train of conversation and the emotion had got away on Selia and she started to cry. Saffron moved in a little closer and put an arm around Selia shoulder, rubbing it softly. She realised how fond of Selia over the past few weeks. As sad as it seemed, all this tragedy had somehow managed to knock the chip of blind ambition from her shoulders. She seemed much calmer than before.

‘I’m sorry about this’ Selia said wiping her eyes and grinning genuinely. ‘It’s these bloody emotions from being pregnant. Sometimes if I can’t find a pair of socks I burst into tears. But I really am feeling better than I have done for a long time. Anyway I take it Toby’s not here.’

‘No he had to rush in to the office to copy check a last minute document before the paper goes to print. I keep teasing him that he has gone from spell checking documents in a law firm to spell checking documents for a newspaper. He finds me very amusing.’

‘What a shame I would have loved to see him’, Selia said reaching into her bag and handing a small parcel to Saffron. ‘It’s not much, just a little journal. I saw it in a shop and thought about him and though he could write down his observations from time to time.’

‘That’s really sweet of you Seals. I’m sure he’ll love it.’

‘And how’s he enjoying the new job anyway?’

‘He absolutely loves it. It’s really made a big difference to him. He just seems more confident you know. He still finds it all incredible how it all happened and tells me that he keeps saying, almost nervously that if he hadn’t met Charles and then if you hadn’t had your problems then he wouldn’t have had to see Charles again and the job might never have come up. I think he still secretly fears that it’s all a little to perfect and that one day he’ll walk in there and that someone will come up and tap him on the shoulder and say, ha-ha got you and that he will be back to where he was.’

‘He’ll get over that’, Selia said smiling, her hand resting lightly on her stomach involuntarily.

‘God you’ve really started to show in the last couple of weeks haven’t you. You look really beautiful.’

‘Really?’ Selia said almost embarrassed. It’s amazing isn’t it? I think I felt him move yesterday. It was really faint but I’m pretty sure that’s what it was.

‘Have you spoken to your parents again?’ Saffron had thought about avoiding asking but she wanted to know. It seemed so unfair that she should have to deal with the pregnancy without a father for the baby let alone without the support of her family.

Selia sighed sadly. ‘Dad still isn’t talking to me. He still thinks that I’ve bought shame to the family and he bully’s mum so she calls me sometimes but she’s too bloody weak to do anything about it. That’s the hardest thing about this Saff. I really don’t think I care about my dad. I’ve been living under his thumb forever and I just think that all this has made me realise that I can’t continue living for him. Expecting a baby has changed the way I think. It’s hard to explain but I sort of feel like in many way’s it’s the end of one family and the beginning of another. I just know that I can’t keep worrying about doing what he wants. I have to focus on my baby and what we can do.

‘I think I understand what you mean’, Saffron said lying. She didn’t. She thought of a baby as a continuation and not an end but she also knew it was a huge achievement of Selia’s the realisation that her father had been destroying her for all these years.

Gazing at Selia next with her had resting softly on her bell Saffron realised how brave Selia was being. How much she respected her. Many women in the same situation would have chosen a very different path. She tool Selia’s hand in hers and rubbed it softly.

Chapter 32

Alex walked through the terminal, tears blurring her vision. People dragging helpless overstuffed bags behind along them like stubborn dogs looked at her before returning their collective attention to where they were supposed to be and at what time.

Four months. Is that all it had been, Alex thought as she joined the cue waiting for the Luton Express, an appropriately depressing end to a miserable day. She thought about James and the three years she had spent with him. Three years and not an ounce of the excitement and fun she and Andy had packed into just four months. (check the dates make sense) As the bus’ sides opened the cue behind which she was standing dispersed, forming a new cue to be the first to pile their bags on. She wondered if it occurred to anyone that the first bags on would more than likely be the last ones off.

Alex handed over her ticket and walked to the back of the bus to where there were still some empty seats. As the engine idled below her, she rested her face against the glass and gazed at the terminal. In the movies Andy would come running out and wave down the bus and climb on and tell her he couldn’t do it. He couldn’t leave without her. But this wasn’t the movies and she knew he had to go. He had even told her he would be happy not to go to Berlin but she knew she couldn’t or rather shouldn’t stop him.

In the reflection of the window Alex could see her own image gazing back at her, a tear rolling down her cheek. He’s just over there she thought. Somewhere amongst the crowds of people waiting to be pilled on to over cramped plane like battery chickens.

In less than three hours he would be in Berlin and that would be that. The crash of the baggage doors shutting startled Alex. A moment later, final few passengers still finding the last remaining seats next to those already seated passengers who were avoiding eye contact in the hope that they might get to ride alone for the duration of the journey, the bus began to move. Alex was not so lucky.

`Do you mind if I sit here’ said a voice next to Alex which had sat down before permission had been granted. ‘God I never thought I’d make this bus. My bags took for ever to come out.

Alex forced a smile to her face but decided not to say anything which might be construed as conversation. She had been caught in these conversations before. Luton was a long way away from London and given the tendency for these conversations to wind on and on she thought it was better not to start. Again Alex wasn’t so lucky.

‘You’ve been crying my dear. Let me get you a tissue. I’m Silvia. I’ve just come back from visiting my son in Dublin. Have you been to Dublin dear?’

Alex smiled and said that she hadn’t. She knew that if she could put enough quiet between the conversations there was a chance it would pitter out.

‘Oh it’s a lovely city. Such nice people. I always have such a good time when I visit. Ah here we are I was getting you a tissue wasn’t I. Now I hope everything is alright. I hope you don’t mind me saying so but you look terribly sad. Airports are horrid places arn´t they. I try to avoid going whenever I can. I always try to say goodbye at home. The airport always seems so unnatural don’t you think. All that artificial light and artificial conversation. I think it’s much better to have a hug at the front door at home and be done with it.

Alex gazed out the window as the passing fields which seemed so distant from the concrete of Luton and the rush of London. She felt her eyes trying to close. She had hardly slept at all lying next to Andy who unlike her. He had spent all day rushing round packing and organizing all the things a normal person would have done weeks in advance and by the time they went to bed he had passed out with exhaustion. By the time tiredness had finally won the battle the alarm beside the bed went off and they had had to get up, staggering around in the dark to give themselves time to get to the tube to get to the bus to get to the airport.

Once again her stream of though was interrupted by the enthusiasm sitting next to her. ‘So who have you been to see off? Family or friends?’
‘My boyfriend’, Alex said as calmly as she could manage. She would have loved to tell ‘Silvia’ to mind her own bloody business and leave her alone but she couldn’t. She had that passive aggressive ability to combine ostensible kindness with shameless intrusiveness.
‘Oh I see’, Silvia said with a maternal voice. ‘It’s always sad isn’t it. And when will he be back again?’
‘He won’t’ Alex snapped, surprised by her own force and feeling instantly guilty. This surge of emotion was too much for her and, lifting her hands to her face as if to hide the shame she began to weep uncontrollably, her whole body shaking. She had managed to hold on until now. She had managed to avoid crying in front of Andy even though she didn’t know why that had been so important.

It was probably because she didn’t want him to feel guilty for leaving. What had got him to where he was and what had won him the scholarship was the very thing she loved about him. The fact he was prepared to drop everything in an instant to follow the chance in Berlin even more so.

Andy had been so sweet, Alex thought as she took another tissue from Silvia who had obviously decided that perhaps she had asked enough questions for now. The night before he left they had gone to dinner alone and for a while they had avoided the conversation talking about anything other than Andy’s leaving. Over desert Alex had fallen apart. Andy had moved his chair over next to hers and held her hand. They had discussed what they would do, what they might be able to do to keep the relationship going. His master was only two years. He had told her he loved her and wanted to stay with her if she wanted to stay with him. He had even asked her to come with him but she knew she couldn’t do that. Not after Jimmy had gone out of his way to help her find a job that she was finally interested in. And so they had agreed, neither of them knowing whether they were being naïve or just saying it to avoid the terrible realisation that what they had had for four months might be over forever. They had booked the first flight for Alex to visit Berlin in six weeks. Beyond that they had nothing organized apart from four month of history and the promise that they would give it a go. What more could they promise each other.

The gentle rhythm of the bus began to force her Alex’ eyes shut forcing a tear down her cheek which ran over her lip and into her mouth.

Chapter 31

‘Come on turn off the light’, Daniels said, staggering in front of Abi, trying to hold the glass of wine in his hand level. Abi had had to force control herself to not get drunk. She had changed the gin and tonic he had bought her in the bar to water while he had gone to the toilet and with a little encouragement it hadn’t take long before he had started getting drunk.

‘No I want to be able to see you.’ Abi beckoned him away from the light switch with a kiss and started dancing slowly to the music. She thought about Marco for a minute and how terrified he had looked when they had met in the bar with Matt. It was obvious then how hurt he must have been.

Pushing Daniel’s down into a chair Abi sat on the bed and reached under the base to retrieve her tobacco box.

‘What are you doing’ Daniels asked, his voice now noticeably slurring, before pushing himself upright in the chair to try to appear less intoxicated. Abi new she had to be careful. Too drunk and he was no use to anyone.

‘Here let me take that’ she said retrieving his glass and placing it on the bed side table. ‘Here come and sit over here with me. Abi patted the bed beside her and like an obedient spaniel, Daniels sprang to his feet. Forcing a smile to her face Abi tried to focus on Marco and his problems.

‘So you have hardly told me anything about what you do.’ Abi said, carefully placing a paper in one hand and picking a small pinch of tobacco from the pouch on the bed beside her. She opened the box and lifted out the small bag of marijuana. Daniels looked down at it and then up at Abi, but sitting there alone in her room she knew he wouldn’t say anything. Softly she ran the tip of her tough along the edge of the paper and rolled the joint closed between her fingers.’

‘I’ve already told you’ he said forcing his mind to stay on track with the conversation. He hadn’t eaten anything all night and the drinks were taking their toll. ‘I’m a detective.’

‘Wow, that’s amazing.’ Abi said placing the joint between her lips and striking a match and hoping she sounded sincere.

‘Yeah it is pretty interesting.’ Daniels said distracted, caught halfway between the conversation and the fact that Abi was now reclining on the bed, one leg crossed over the other.

‘Can you help me with my boots? Abi said raising her leg in the air and with instantaneous obedience Daniels was standing in front of her pulling them free.

‘Thanks, they’re so hard to take off. Here have some of this.’

Daniels looked at the spliff Abi was holding in front of him and hesitated.

‘Come on, don’t tell me you’ve never smoked weed’, Abi said encouraging him by kissing his neck and running a hand down his back. Daniels took the spliff from Abi and took a draw. Just this once he thought.

‘That’s better. Abi lifted herself up from the bed and turned the stereo on, at the same time pretending to take another large draw on the joint. She knew that she had to be the one in control. ‘Don’t you love music when you’re stoned? It’s like you can hear every single note.’

‘Yeah, hey give me some more of that will you.’ Abi smiled and turned back to face him. ‘You’re a bad boy aren’t you? Daniels smiled. Abi could see he was starting to relax for the first time. Straddling him on the bed as she had rehearsed in her mind Abi shut her eyes and breath deeply. Taking another small draw of the spliff Abi kissed Daniels’ neck.

‘Do you want to do something really sexy’ Abi whispered. Daniels, for all his vibrado looked almost nervous in the face of Abi’s control. He was obviously used to being in charge. I’ll need to blindfold you first.

Daniels smiled and gave no resistance as Abi tied a silk scarf around his head, covering his eyes. ‘Here you can drink some more of this while I getting ready Abi said. Daniels took the glass and sipped at it clumsily. ‘Here come and sit in this chair for a moment.’

Abi slipped out of her jeans and shirt and stepped into a pair of high heals she had left out for the occasion. Reaching into the top drawer of chest of drawers, Abi reached to the back and pulled out the box and, opening it, took the small bag from inside. ‘No peaking’ she said as calmly as she could. Her heart was now racing. She took another draw from the joint to steady her nerves and reached into her wallet for a note, rolling it smoothly between her finger and thumb.

‘What are you doing’ Daniels said with a grin on his face.

‘Just you wait and you’ll get a great surprise. Abi didn’t want him to look until everything was ready. She pushed the bank card down and the sliced through the small pile of coke in a quick chopping motion. Moving back towards the bed Abi slipped out of her jeans lay back and placed a small line on her belly, just above her panty line. Propping her head slightly against the head of the bed she reached over for her glass of wine and breathed deeply. ‘You can open your eyes now.’

Daniels removed his blindfold and Abi noted an instant look of satisfaction on his face. As he approached the bed Abi licked her finger and patted up the last few specs of coke from the small mirror which lay on the bedside table. ‘You like?’

‘You look amazing’ Daniels said walking over to the bed and sitting down beside Abi, running a hand slowly down her leg. Abi tried not to shiver. It was then that he noticed the small white line on Abi’s lower belly. He looked across at the mirror and the uncoiling note and then back at Abi. She looked divine in her black bra with her toned body and caramel skin. He breasts looked so firm in front of him and he traced her body down to the panties which were low cut at the front, he skin glistening smooth under the small white line. He knew what he should do. Weed was one thing. He had smoked when he was younger and that was no big deal. But coke was something completely different. He had seen enough scumbags through his job to never touch the stuff. But this was different. How could he walk away from this situation? He wanted to lick Abi’s body all over. He had never seen someone so sexy or act this way.

‘Here. Abi said, rolling the note tight and handing it to Daniels.’ You can try the inside of my thigh next.’ She could see that he wanted to and needed a little encouragement. ‘No come and kneel on this side of me so that I can watch you properly. It’s so sexy.

For a moment more Daniels hesitated and then, taking the note, he moved around onto the bed, and pausing for a moment to kiss Abi’s stomach, placed a finger to his nose as he had learned from TV and snorted the line slowly. Abi turned her face away for a moment.

Behind the curtain Matt zoomed in and pressed record. Playing the video back to himself, he turned out of the window and gave the thumbs up to Marco who was waiting in the bushes. The smash of glass from over the front door was enough to make Daniels leap to his feet and a look of terror came over his face.

‘Jesus Christ what the hell was that.’

‘I don’t know, Abi said pushing him away and forcing herself to look as concerned as she knew she should be in such as situation. ‘It sounds like someone’s trying to break in. Quick go and have a look.’

As Daniels hurriedly pulled on his jeans and ran out of the room Abi slipped off her high heals and pulled on her jeans and t-shirt which lay neatly in a pile at the foot of the bed. Walking calmly out into the hall she saw Daniels, looking extremely wired up and agitated by the front door, a pile of glass at his feet.

‘Can you check outside’ Abi said nervously. I think they might still be out there. Here you’ll need your shoes.

Daniels looked down at the glass and then back at Abi and, taking the remainder of his clothes from her staggered out in to the cold.

With a Smile Abi closed the door carefully behind him and turned the lock. In the background she could hear the sound of Matt’s car pulling quietly away.