Chapter 6

‘Abi it's Marco.’
‘Oh hi sweetie how are you. God that was a hell of a night the other night wasn’t it. I've been all over the place this week. It’s always the same; halfway through the week I feel like death and vow never to do it again, but come Friday, anyway how are you.’
Marco didn't know what to say. He had spent the first couple of days of the week feeling like a million dollars. Well not quite a million dollars. He had actually felt completely rung out by the night but that hardly seemed to matter. His miserable life had changed for the better. He was no longer some sad guy who sits alone in the common room on a Saturday night, clinging to a remote and a box of pizza for support. But then as Tuesday turned into Wednesday and then Wednesday became Friday panic had begun to set in. Why the hell hadn’t she called, he had wondered. Alone in his room waiting, every conceivable reason for why his phone hadn’t rung ran through his mind, the reasons growing progressively negative as the week wore on. His confidence had turned to despair. ‘Don’t rush it man’, Rob had said during one of their brief morning crossovers. ‘No one wants to be chased like that. Give it some time, she told you she’d call you didn’t she?’

‘How'd you get my number sweetie?’ Abi said convinced that she hadn’t made the mistake of handing over her number. She preferred the control of saying I’ll call you. She knew how it felt to wait for a call. Worse still she knew what it was to be hounded by some delusional romantic who had mistaken a brief sexual interlude for something more serious.
‘Matt gave it to me. I hope you don’t mind.’ Marco held his breath. Matt had been hesitant about handing over Abi’s number but in the end he had given in. He had said Abi was a good time girl and told Marco not to let himself get too caught up in the situation. It was a bit too bloody late for that now Marco thought. Besides he was sure that Matt was overreacting. There had to be some logical explanation for why Abi hadn’t been in touch. She had probably lost his number or had been working so hard all week she simply hadn’t had time to call. Besides, Matt had no idea how their night together had been. How it had ended up. It was good of him to try to protect him but in the end Marco knew exactly what had happened between him and Abi and was sure he could sort things out by giving her a call.

‘No that's fine, so what have you been up to?’ Abi was determined to keep the conversation as casual as possible. She knew now that the other night had been a massive mistake. At least the last, taking him home part of the night.

‘Not much really.’ Marco didn’t know what else to say. He wanted to come right out with it and scream and shout and say ‘Why the fuck haven’t you called! I've been waiting by the phone all bloody week. Don't you remember sleeping with me?’ But he didn’t.
‘Would you like to meet up for a drink this week sometime?’ He said instead, forcing the desperation from his voice.
Abi paused for a minute, closing her eyes, and pushed her mobile against her forehead. This was exactly the sort of thing she had been afraid of. When Matt had told her at the club that Marco was a young lonely guy and to be careful she had thought he was over reacting. She had got so swept up in the night. When the others had gotten out of the cab it had just been her and Marco left. She knew it was wrong but at the time she had felt a mixture of attraction to Marco and a feeling of not wanting to be alone. She should have sent him home then and there. But she hadn’t. Most guys would have understood the significance of her not bothering to call, let alone text all week long. Apparently this subtle approach was lost on Marco. He had waited less than a week to track her down. He was obviously caught up in some delusional fantasy that they had some kind of a future together. And now she knew that Matt had been right. It had been a big mistake.
Marco probably thought he had met the woman of his dreams. He was a lonely Italian boy from the country living in the depth of South London; no friends; no social life. Of course he would jump at the chance to have a girlfriend. What did she expect?

Now she knew she would have to do something about the poor guy. She had been in the same position herself before and knew how he must be feeling, and how he would feel afterwards. Infatuated; lonely; blind to the obvious fact that her not calling him all week meant she wasn’t interested. She would have to break it to him before things got further out of hand.
‘Ok Marco, do you know the Second Floor Bar in Clapham?’
‘Actually I don’t really know Clapham very well.’ A wave of relief began to wash over him. He had been so afraid that Abi wouldn’t pick up the phone or worse, that she would pick up the phone but wouldn’t want to see him again.’

‘You need to get the Northern Line which is the black line, take it down to Clapham North and get off there. You come out of the station, turn left, cross the road and then keep walking for five minutes or so. It's a red pub on the right hand side. You can't miss it. How's Thursday at about 8?’
‘Great’ Marco said, instantly wishing he’d responded with a less enthusiastic ‘that’s fine’ or ‘OK’.

Marco threw his phone lightly on the bed, kicked his shoes off and lay back, shutting his eyes. A week’s anxiety left him in a moment, replaced by a flood of memories from the night out a week before. When the lights of the club had finally come on at five in the morning he had looked around him and thought, no, that can’t be it. Dancing between the dozens of sweat rinsed bodies, the time between arriving at the club and the lights coming on seemed to have shot by in a matter of minutes. Looking desperately at his watch he couldn’t believe six hours could have disappeared. He had managed to regroup with the others and, after queuing for their coats, they had shuffled out of the club and into the freezing morning of the street. Marco had stood there shivering as the sweat on his back cooled beneath his jacket. After what might have been an hour but was probably more like fifteen minutes, Matt had waved down a car and bartered with the driver before they had all pilled in. Alone together in the taxi as it had pulled up outside Abi’s house they had sat alone together in the silence. After a moment Abi had run her hand flirtatiously in front of her, almost frozen as she had helped him to undress. They had stood together at the foot of the bed, eyes closed, their naked bodies wrapped together, comforting each other after a night which seemed to have begun days earlier in a pub in Hoxton. Their ears still ringing against the silence of the flat. Then they had collapsed, Safe under the duvet, arms still clinging to each other.

When they had woken the first time, far too early to contemplate getting up, Marco had kissed Abi again, this time moving down her body, kissing the beautiful flesh he had admired a few hours earlier. She hadn’t tried to stop him. And then she had pushed him onto his back, taking over, straddling his semiconscious body without either of them saying a word. Marco had slid beneath her, half asleep, half awake, enjoying her confidence and control, too tired to offer anything more. When she had finally rolled off, once again resting her head on Marco’s chest, he had laid there, exhausted and thrilled, looking down his chest at Abi who was now lying against him, one leg overlapping his own, asleep once again, her skin glistening with sweat and one arm hooked over his waist.

Abi wasn’t the first girl Marco had slept with, but she was certainly the first proper woman. All of his previous girlfriends now seemed like kids compared to her. She was so sure of herself; so confident. And he knew he had Matt to thank for all this. He had been a little funny about Abi all week but now Marco knew he had nothing to worry about. ‘I know what I’m doing’ he had assured Matt, when Matt had told him early in the week not to get his hope up. After that he hadn’t bothered to push the point any further.




Chapter 7: Marco: Clapham North

Marco bounded up the flight of stairs which led to the Second Floor Bar. This time he was the one running late. He had taken the tube three stops in the wrong direction before realising his mistake. Abi was sitting alone at the bar flicking disinterestedly through a magazine. She didn’t notice Marco as he approached from behind. Marco tried supprising her by putting his hands over her eyes but it wasn’t a good start. Abi screemed, lunging around violently, sending her glass smashing to the floor and drawing the entire attention of the bar towards the startled couple at the bar.
Marco reached down in a vague attempt to help but had no idea what he should be doing.

‘My god I’m so sorry Abi, that was supposed to be a joke, Marco said, making space for the barman who was now sweeping up the shattered remains from around their feet. Unsure what to do next Marco leaned forward to kiss Abi who met his reflected his lips to her cheek.

‘That’s fine’ Abi said, the affection that Marco had been hoping for missing from her voice. She seemed more concerned about her lost drink than seeing Marco again for the first time in over a week. ‘Shall we sit by the window? Why don’t you grab that table and I’ll order us a drink.’ Not wanting to create any more problems, Marco retreated without saying another word.

As the barman poured two new drinks Abi looked across at Marco who was waiting eagerly in the window, fidgeting nervously. His week had been filled with dreams and hopes and doubts and finally sitting here he remained utterly unaware of the fact that in a matter of minutes his little dream would go pop. ‘Shit’ she thought, taking a large sip from each glass. Bracing herself for the inevitable she made her way carefully to the table, steadying the two over poured glasses of wine and rehearsing what she would say, wondering how she could let him down softly. She knew she could leave no lingering doubt in his mind. She had to be firm but kind. Settling in her chair she looked across at Marco looked more nervous than she was.

‘So how was your week?’ Abi started, not quite sure where else to begin and following up with a deep sip from the glass in front of her.

‘It’s been okay’ Marco started. His heart was pounding and he felt short of breath. He had no idea what to say or what to think. He stared across the table at Abi who looked completely different to the woman he had met before. She barely allowed herself to make eye contact with him now and her face was expressionless. And what the hell was that kiss on the cheek. She hadn't bloody well kissed him on the cheek when he had been under her sheets the other night, or in morning for that matter. He had waited over a week to see her again and now that he had her in front of him there was no way he was going to waste his time with bullshit small talk.

‘I was pretty surprised I didn’t hear from you last week Abi, you know, without me having to call you. When I left your flat you told me that you were going to call me. I don’t understand.

Abi said nothing for a minute. Instead she stared out the window, focussing on the steady stream of commuters that were now spilling out of the tube and into the street, grocery bags in hand, eyes fixed ahead, destination home. Parts of the high street were still a little dodgy looking with their minicab companies and battery fried chicken joints but this couldn’t last much longer. One look at the proportion of suits emerging from the tube was evidence enough of that.

‘Listen Marco’, Abi said, dragging herself back to the conversation after the silence started getting uncomfortable. ‘I don't know what to say really. The other night was fun but you know and you’re a lovely guy Marco but I really don't have time for a relationship at the moment. Work is absolute chaos and I really don't have time for anything else right now. This is the first time I’ve felt this motivated by my career and I really want to focus on that at the moment.’
Marco felt his heart swelling and his mind started to scatter. This wasn’t how things were meant to happen. He had played their reunion out in his mind all week. As he walked through the door, past the tables of trendy looking people, Abi had waved to him from the bar and kissed him passionately when he arrived, apologising for not having called earlier. They had shared a bottle of wine sitting at the bar, oblivious to all that was going on around them. Afterwards they had popped around the corner and found a nice little pizza place and had drunk more wine before going back to her place afterwards. On Friday they had both called in sick and spent the day in bed together. This was how Marco had seen things happening. Not some half arsed excuse about work.
‘What do you mean you don't have time? I’m not saying that we need to see each other all the time. We can start off slowly if you like and see what happens.’
‘I’m also much older than you Marco. You really should meet someone a bit closer to your own age. There are hundreds of girls around who would love to go out with a guy like you.’

Abi new this all sounded a little bit desperate but she didn’t know what else she could say without being brutally honest and cruel. She didn’t want to be cruel.
‘What are you talking about other girls for?’ Marco snapped rather more aggressively than he would have liked to. ‘I'm not interested in other girls. Why do you think I’m here?’
Abi could see that the softly softly approach wasn't working. Matt had been right. Marco was too alone, too impressionable at the moment and she had played to his weakness.
‘Look Marco, maybe the other night was a mistake.’
‘A mistake! What the hell are you talking about? How the hell was it a mistake?’ Marco was shaking visibly and a couple sitting at a nearby table who had been before pretended not to be listening, looked over.
‘No, I didn’t mean mistake as such ‘Abi said back-tracking in order to salvage Marco’s feelings.’ I don't mean mistake in terms of I wish I hadn't done it’, she said this time lying. At least she wished she hadn't done it now. At the time it was good fun but had she known how things were going to turn out she certainly wouldn't have let things go as far as they had.
‘Look Marco; you've only just arrived in London. You're finding your feet. You shouldn’t let yourself get tied down to one person that’s all. God, there are so many people in this city and you'll realise soon that it would be huge mistake to tie yourself down to one person so young.’

‘Fuck other women’ Marco said, now visibly upset. ‘Why do you keep going on about other women? I don't want to go out with other women. I want to go out with you. And all I seem to be getting is a bunch of lame arsed excuses which is pathetic. If you're not interested in me than tell me and don't hide behind this ‘you should be free’ bullshit.

Marco was struggling to maintain his emotions. The couple at the table next door could hear everything that was being said but he didn't care. This was the first time he had felt truly happy since arriving in London and now it was clear that he had spent the past week living a fantasy. Marco's anger was quickly turning to pain. He looked across at Abi who was once again staring out the window.

Marco tried to calm himself down, knowing he could break in tears at any moment. He lowered his voice and leaned in a little closer to Abi. ‘Is there no chance that we could just try to give it a go? You know just to see how things went?’ Abi didn’t say anything. Instead she kept staring out the window for what felt like an eternity and Marco was once again overcome with rage.

‘Fuck you then’ he said leaping to his feet, sending his chair flying backwards and drawing the attention of anyone in the bar who wasn’t already engaged. ‘You’re a selfish bitch.’

Marco managed to free his coat from under the back of his chair and stormed down the stairs and into the street, tears streaming down his cheeks. For a second he stood stranded outside the entrance, unsure what to do next.

‘You O’right mate’ the doorman asked in a voice which was uncharacteristically sympathetic for a man of his stature and waking Marco from his momentary paralysis. Saying nothing, he turned and started running up Clapham high street. He had no idea where he was going. All he knew was that he had to get away as quickly as possible.

‘How could she do this to me?’ he thought, unable to make sense of how he had got things so badly wrong in his mind. He looked at everyone he passed with distrust and resentment. He felt like saying fuck you to London, booking the next flight available and going home to his family. Away from this miserable lonely place which everyone always raved about as being the greatest city in the world. He had never felt so alone. Every bar he walked past seemed to be brimming with tables of friends all oblivious to the kind of pain Marco was feeling. A guy with a big issue magazine told Marco to cheer up to which he had replied with a swift ‘piss off’ which made him feel guilty and even worse. When he arrived at Clapham Common, away from prying of the high street he collapsed on the grass and started weeping. It wasn't just because of Abi. It was the whole damned situation. Now he was back to square one. No real friends, a shitty job, his awful room. He couldn't exactly go out with Matt anymore. Matt was always out with Abi. He thought about returning to his flat and he felt weak. For the past week he had lived a fool’s fantasy in which he would move out of the residence, spend his evenings with Abi, sort his life out completely. Since then every little thing in Stockwell had been annoying him. The people; his room; the rubbish lying around everywhere but in the rubbish bins. But this week he had felt like he could deal with it because he knew things were going to change soon. But now they wouldn’t change. Matt had been right. But of course he hadn't listened.