Chapter 28

Jimmy this is Alex, Alex Jimmy; he owns the bar and was kind enough to sponsor a struggling artist.
Hello my dear, don’t listen to this modest boy he’s a genius, how do you do.
Very well thank you, Alex said nervously.
Look you don’t have a drink, that wont do, there are dozens of extraordinarily dull people here my dear, let me get you some bubbles, you’ll need them.
That would be lovely thanks.
As Jimmy drifted across the bar Alex moved slightly closer to Andy, holding the back of his coat jacket like a nervous child and then, realising what she was doing, let go again. ‘God I feel so bloody nervous in these places, did you see that reply, that would be lovely thanks. God.’
‘Look you have nothing to be nervous about. These are just a bunch of struggling artists and industry wankers you know, it’s not a huge deal, just do what I generally do, have a quick couple of glasses of ‘bubbles’ and you’ll feel a hell of a lot better.’

Yeah I know Andy, and I’m not being miserable or anything, I work in a god damn café delivering coffees all day, I don’t even make them. It’s not exactly an inspiring conversation piece is it? Sorry, it’s not important.

Look, you look gorgeous; you’re cleaver your witty and you just happen to be in a transitional phase where you’re trying to figure out what the hell it is that you want to do. You know you’re probably in the perfect room. Most artists spend the majority of their time trying to embellish the fact that they are spending day and night creating works which no one appreciates. I’m sure you won’t have any problems here at all. And besides you’re shagging the artist.
Yes I suppose that does make it all worth while Alex said grinning, running her hand along Andy’s forearm.

‘Here we are then’, Jimmy said returning laden with three tall glasses. Jimmy didn’t look like an art buyer or a bar owner for that matter. He was short, or at least by the standards of most men Alex had met and had a whispy grey ginger beard which helped to compensate for his lack of hair on top. He was also dressed far more conservatively than Alex would have imagined. There was none of the pretentious trying to look like I just threw it on but in fact spent hours getting ready look about Jimmy. Instead he was wearing a simple pair of off white chords, a blue checked shirt over which lay a slightly ruffled brown jacket. His shoes couldn’t be described as anything other than ordinary. He was also an age which was difficult to pinpoint. He could have been in the last clutches of thirty or the onset of fifty. It was really very hard to tell.

Thanks Jimmy, Andy said relieving Jimmy of a couple of glasses and passing one to Saffron who gripped on to it for dear life. ‘So listen, who should I be speaking with? Presumably you want me to do the rounds.’
I know its tedious darling but see that rather tall chap standing over there in the corner with the woman with the ten foot tall hair. He is a private collector with loads of cash and is very keen to speak to you. I had a chat to him earlier and he’s very impressed so perhaps you should pop over and introduce yourself and try to explain your piece if indeed it’s not just a great big load of bollocks. Jimmy roared with laughter, winking at Alex and taking her by the elbow. Don’t worry, I’ll take care of this one, now off you go.’

‘So Alex you look nervous my dear, what’s wrong.’
‘Is it that obvious?’
‘Only to me, don’t worry, I’m very perceptive, but listen don’t be nervous, I can barely stand anyone in this room myself, Andy excepted of course, but you know, there is so much bullshit in this industry, so many people overanalysing even the smallest piece of dog shit when in the end that’s all it is, a small pile of steaming dog shit, nothing more, nothing less.’

Alex laughed abruptly and took another sip from her glass. ‘Yeah, Andy said the same thing. I don’t know Jimmy; I just can’t relax in these situations.
‘In gods name why ever not, you’re young, there’s free champagne, what else do you need?’

Can I be honest with you?’

‘I insist darling.’
‘Well at the moment I’m doing nothing I’m particularly proud of, apart from seeing Andy you know well obviously that but, shit how I put this. Up until about three months ago I was engaged to be married to this guy who didn’t let me do anything or go anywhere without him and he had no interest in going out so in the end we never did anything.’
‘God he sounds dreadful.’
‘I suppose he wasn’t completely dreadful, but he certainly wasn’t marriage material that’s for sure. Fortunately I met Andy and realised that there is actually a life out there and you know, now we’re together I’m really feeling much happier, but the truth is Jimmy I’m working in a café at the moment trying to figure out what the hell to do next and its just one of those conversations I can’t bear, the oh so what do you do.’
‘There’s no shame in not knowing what your want to do my dear. It sounds terribly clichéd but I suppose its clichéd because it’s true but we have all been there. You must look at this as an exciting phase. You have the chance to start fresh. You’ve ditched that dullard who was suffocating you and now the world is all before you. You need to look at this at the beginning and not as if you are wavering somewhere in the middle of nowhere. The real question you must ask yourself my dear is what do you want to do? And I’m not asking you what you think you should do, or what would be a sensible thing to do but what do you want to do. Here, give me that glass, I’ll go and fill these up and be back in a couple of seconds. You’d better have an answer for me by then.’ Jimmy gave Alex a cheeky smile and patted her on the arm before gliding away. Jimmy glided rather than walked. It could have been his height or stature or a combination of both but he gave the impression of moving forward almost car like, without the usual up and down bobbing associated with walking. Alex watched Jimmy standing at the bar, flirting with the barman who was half his age. He was so natural, so straight up and down. No bullshit. Alex felt utterly comfortable talking to Jimmy despite the fact she had known him for practically six seconds. She looked across the room at Andy who was standing patiently, his back to one of his projections discussing the concepts with the man with the money. A moment later Andy looked back across at Alex and raised his eyebrows curiously as if to ask ‘is everything ok’ to which Alex grinned in the affirmative, letting him drift back into his conversation.

‘Isn’t he gorgeous’ Jimmy said, waltzing silently up behind Alex, here you are my dear, absolutely gorgeous that one, possibly a little young wouldn’t you say, but then again, life is for the enjoying.’
‘Behave yourself Jimmy’, Alex said with new found confidence ‘we’re trying to sort my life out thank you very much.’
‘Indeed we are, besides, I never sleep with the staff, or only very rarely.’ Jimmy burst into laughter again. His laugh was sudden and explosive, almost sneeze like and tended to make less prepared bystanders jump.

‘So where were we, oh yes, your dreams and desires my dear. What have you come up with.’
‘This is trickier than you would think Jimmy’
‘Of course it is. It’s something that most people never ask themselves. Most people never let themselves simply asks themselves, devoid of all external factors, what is it that they would do if they had all the money they could ever need and could make a decision purely based on what they wanted to do. You certainly wouldn’t find many people raising their hand to lawyer or accountant now would you. ‘I’d love to work a sixty hour week and never see my wife’. It just doesn’t make sense.
‘You’re right really. I think the last time I really thought seriously about what I want to do and not what I need to do or should do was when I was about six years old.’
‘Precisely! So what you must do is pretend that you are six again and eliminate all of the pressures and expectations and needs and think to yourself, what I want to do. Really want to do. You know Alex this is a wonderful opportunity for you. New relationship, a job which is simply to pay the bills, no tiring bore of a boyfriend holding you back.
‘It’s funny really, it’s actually quite exciting when you think about it, but it’s very difficult to let your mind run. We are all so conditioned to check every impulse by asking ourselves, is it sensible, how much will I make, will I be able to afford a mortgage, you know all of the things which eventually end up diluting your passion or dream down to some sort of light orange cordial.’
‘Only I could have put it better!’ Jimmy roared with a huge grin. ‘So with out any further ado let me have it my dear.’

‘I love paintings Jimmy.’
‘That’s a wonderful start. But you’ll have to be more specific with me my dear.’
‘Well I think you are best to match your desires a little with your natural talents or skills or that kind of thing don’t you?’
‘To a point my dear. Certainly the tone deaf should temper their desire to sing but in many cases, people tend to have preconceived ideas about what they are and are not good at which are very rarely based upon anything other than a real lack of self belief. You know my dear like all those tiring bores who continually proclaim they are no good at languages because they failed a French exam when they were eleven years old.’
‘Yes I suppose you’re right but surely it’s also important to be aware of where you have some natural abilities don’t you think?’
‘Undoubtedly.’
‘Well I have quite a detailed and precise mind Jimmy, you know with names, dates all that kind of thing. It’s interesting, Andy is all over the place, you know I think he’s sort of scatter brain and has a billion things going on in his mind at once and he sort of gets things done in his own way.’
‘A very keen observation my dear, but it certainly works for him wouldn’t you say?’
‘Absolutely, and in fact I probably couldn’t bare being with someone who was as precise me, it’s so much nicer to have to different types of brains in a relationship. I think we all seek something a bit different from ourselves.’
‘Very important that, otherwise you wake up one day and think to yourself, hold a second now, I know all this, nothing here is new, I’m bored to hell, and you run off with a young chap from behind the bar!’
‘Behave yourself Jimmy’ Alex said laughing.
‘My apologies my dear, I am a weak old fool now do go on.’
‘Well I really enjoyed the Art History I studied at school, especially Renaissance painting but I don’t know what happened. I guess more sensible options came along and art fell by the way side.’
‘And that happens to almost everyone my dear.’
‘God, I feel embarrassed speaking about Art Jimmy. I have absolutely no pedigree and here I am standing in a room full of artists and…’
‘Stop right there. What you need to realise now is that this pedigree you are talking about is simply a block, another reason like something not being sensible, or you don’t have time or one of a million other excuses why you shouldn’t do something. I didn’t ask you to tell me what you want to do and what you are qualified to do. I asked you to tell me what you want to do.
‘Ok. I’d like to learn how to restore paintings Jimmy.’ Feeling exposed and embarrassed Alex dropped her gaze.’
‘Bravo my dear! Call me a wild old fool but that deserves another drink wouldn’t you say.’
‘Sure but please let me get this one, I feel very bad you paying for everything like this’
‘Nonsense! Besides it’s my party and you’re a delight keeping me company and away from all of these bores. Same again?’
‘Thanks that would be wonderful.’
‘I shall be right back, now don’t you go anywhere.’

Alex stood alone, relaxed by the wine, and looked around the bar, her eyes once again resting on Andy. Andy. All this had happened because of a decision to take a dead end job making coffees. Everything springing from that one decision to work in that one place. And now she had Andy, the unassuming star of the party, hand in pocket, tall, relaxed, completely at ease discussing his work, not pretentious or shy. He had the enviable attitude which said, if you like my work that’s great and I’d love to tell you about it but if not then no problem; nice to meet you regardless. James had been the opposite. Talented but all vibrado. He had been deeply insecure for some reason or other. His embarrassment about her not knowing what she was doing, or insistence that she dress like the girls at work with their tiring smart conservative lines had to be born out insecurity. Either that or he was just dull. Andy had the kind of attitude which said I love you, do what you want, I’m sure you’ll be great at what you do when you figure it out, now let’s go and have some fun.

‘You young lady are smitten are you not?’ Jimmy said producing another glass teaming with bubbles.
‘Is it really that obvious? Perhaps I should be a little more coy’ Alex grinned and then tried, rather unnecessarily to force it from her face.
‘Not for one minute. The world is full of unrequited bores who shackle their emotions like a team of pack hounds. I say out with it my dear out with it. And he’s an extremely talented and attractive boy, not my type of course but might I say that you two look marvellous together.’
Alex grinned coyly again, unsure of quite what to say but was cut off once again before she had to.

‘Now Alex as I was standing at the bar there I believe I may have stumbled upon a small contact who it may be worth our talking to. It occurred to me that about three months ago I was at some fiercely tedious charity event auction thingy all in the name of small underprivileged people of some description and while I was crouched in a corner trying to avoid the masses I ended up striking up conversation with a like minded fellow who was hovering about like a fly which refuses to settle. He was actually a lovely chap, and the reason I mention it my dear is that he works for a reasonably well known gallery on the south bank putting shows together. I have his card lurking around the office at home somewhere so if you like I could fish it out and give him a call and perhaps you and I could pay him a visit some time next week. I don’t know if he knows anything about restoration or conservation or what ever the correct term is but it’s certainly narrowing the field wouldn’t you say? At the very least it might give you a window into the industry. You can see if it really is something you might like to pursue.’

‘God Jimmy are you sure, I mean that would be absolutely wonderful, but are you sure you would have time?’

‘It would be my pleasure. When are you free, do you have an afternoon off next week some time perhaps?’

‘I don’t work Thursdays so you’re free then and it worked out with your friend that would be wonderful. The only thing is that I don’t know very much about the field, just that I want to do it.’
‘That’s more than enough in my books my dear. I’ll call him tomorrow and try to jack up a meeting and in the mean time you should start doing a little research around the area. Don’t get too worried, everyone has to begin somewhere and if you have an interest or passion for learning it’s a wonderful beginning.’
‘God I really don’t know what to say. Thank you. I’m really very grateful.’
‘Enough of all that nonsense, it will be a pleasure to spend an afternoon in the galleries in some civilised company. Now I think it’s probably time for you to rescue that boyfriend of yours. I’ve noticed his face is starting to swell from all that smiling.’