Chapter 26

Toby lowered himself into spare seat at the bar and glanced around him. He had left his paper on the metro and now he wished he hadn’t. Sitting alone at a bar was fine if he had a paper. He enjoyed the privacy. He could lock himself up in his world and take in the interaction around him as and when he wanted. But sitting without a paper he felt self conscious. Fortunately it wasn’t long before Charles arrived, briefly startling Toby as he rested his hand on his shoulder and raising himself onto the empty neighbouring bar stool.

‘Charles!’ Toby said struggling to raise himself off his stool and giving up having raised his bottom a couple of inches off the stool as Charles waved him down and extended his hand.

So you found the old place alright then Toby, good good, sorry for keeping you waiting.

No problem at all, I just arrived myself. This is a great bar. I’ve walked down here dozens of time but I never really noticed it.

Yes it’s one of my favourites. You have to get here early to get a seat but it’s generally worth it, now what are you having.’

Toby relaxed into his stool as Charles took care of the drinks. He had been strangely nervous before he had arrived which was not like him. Perhaps it was because he suspected that Charles wanted a little more than the return of his trousers. Somehow the conversation of his sexuality hadn’t really come up at the party and having arrived alone at the party with Andy, there was probably no reason why Charles wouldn’t have thought he was gay.

‘So tell me Toby’, Charles began cheerily handing Toby his pint and steadying himself on his stool. ‘How was your friend feeling the day after the party?’
Toby grinned. Andy had been an absolute wreck the next morning and Toby had taken great pleasure in recounting the story.
‘Yeah he was feeling pretty sorry for himself to be honest. And very embarrassed. Speaking of which, once again Charles I’m really very sorry about this and thanks so much for being so understanding’ Toby said handing over small package he was guarding in front of him.

‘They’ve been washed and dry-cleaned. I guess it will at the least provide you with a good story at your next party. God knows what I would have thought if the same situation had happened to me.’

‘Not at all Toby. I found the whole situation very amusing and besides it was very nice to meet you both. And it gave us an opportunity to catch up again which was nice.’

‘Absolutely’ Toby said, taking a sip from his pint and looking across at Charles. Toby was unsure of how to proceed. Should he come right out with? By the way Charles, you seem like a terrific bloke and you treated us very well the other night but the truth is I’m not gay? Honesty had worked before and Toby decided it was best to get things out of the way as quickly as possible.

‘Charles can I ask you a personal question.’
‘Of course you can. Anything you want.’
‘It’s a little hard to ask.
‘Oh come on Toby spit it out.’
‘Sorry. Ok, look if this comes across as offensive or anything it’s not meant to at all.’
‘God Toby you should be a lawyer with all these disclaimers.’
‘Yeah ok, well, do you for some reason think I’m gay Charles?’
Charles smiled for a second, taking a small sip from his glass or red wine before setting it down softly on the table in front of him.
‘First of all Toby I am not in the least offended by your question. The truth of the matter Toby is that yes, I thought you might be or perhaps hoped your might be. Can I take it from the nature of your question that you are not?’
‘No, unfortunately not Charles. I hope I haven’t misled you in any way.’ Toby started to relax. He had no idea what he had expected Charles to say but fortunately he had not made him feel any more nervous or embarrassed than he already did.

‘Not in the least Toby. It is very nice to meet an interesting new person like yourself regardless. If anyone was misleading anyone then it was me. Now cheers to friendships!’
‘I do know a very attractive single gay guy at work who might be of interest’ Toby said smiling and relaxing having dealt with the situation.
‘Really? And where do you work Toby. I’m sorry, we didn’t really have a chance to get into all this the other night did we, what with Andy’s little accident.
‘No we didn’t. I must confess that my job is a little less than glamorous at the moment Charles. I actually went to law school and until about six months ago I was working at Parkers as a paralegal waiting for a training contract to come up.’
‘We’re you really? Now there’s a coincidence Toby. I’m actually over at Blinkers. Do you know it?’ Charles, probably more out of habit than need reached into his wallet and handed Toby his card. Charles Herrington. Junior Partner. Blinkers. Toby gazed over the card and slipped it into his jacket pocket.
‘I do actually. I applied for a training contract but didn’t make the cut. Anyway that’s no longer important. I’m now working making coffees and bagels in a little café near Great Eastern Road.’
‘Really? What ever happened? Sorry Toby that didn’t come out the way it ought to have. What I meant to say was, how did you go from working in the city to making coffees, not that there is anything wrong with the later, but you understand what I mean.’

‘Of course I do. My training contract was due to come up not long after I resigned. I’m not saying anything bad about the profession Charles and for the right person it’s obviously an excellent option. You are obviously doing very well and it must suit you and I think that’s great. I just found that for me it didn’t seem to fit if that makes sense. I just don’t think that I was suited to it’
‘Yes I think I do know what you mean Toby. I had different plans myself to be quite frank Toby but you know how it goes or maybe you don’t. The work keeps coming; money keeps getting better and then it’s thoroughly difficult to get away.’

‘Yeah we that seems to be the problem. Not that there was any trap of money as a paralegal. I could barely get by on what they were paying me but I could see how that was happening to the people all around me. I was looking at the way people in the law firm live there lives and what’s required to get to the top and it just didn’t make sense to me. Especially considering I just couldn’t see myself doing what people in the firm were prepared to do.

Anyway I’ve always been very interested in writing and I’m actually quite good at it, at least I like to think I am. So a few months ago I met my girlfriend Saffron.’
‘The Bitch’ Charles roared with a broad smile.
‘Ah so you’ve met her then’ Toby said laughing. ‘But really she’ great. She works as a print designer in Hoxton and we met one night at the Lighthouse.’
‘Ah I pop in there from time to time’
‘Yeah it’s not a bad place is it. So she suggested to me that I should give writing a serious go. That if I stayed in the law firm I would get caught and that would be the end of my dream. I would start earning good money and that would be that.’
‘She sounds like a very sensible woman.’
‘Yeah she is. Sorry Charles, do you mind me banging on about me like this.

‘Bang away dear boy’
‘Right, well one morning we were talking about all this and we had been spending loads of time together and she told me that I should quit my job, get a part time job doing whatever and move in with her and focus seriously on writing.’
‘Wow. And you did that?’
‘Yeah I did actually. It’s been about three months now. I’m working in a café during the morning and then spend the afternoons writing, or at least attempting to.’
‘God that’s wonderful. That’s really very impressive Toby. And how is it going?’
‘It’s bloody hard actually. I know, or at least I’m pretty sure I’ve made the right decision. That part is fine. But it’s a very very slow process. Even getting published is a big step, especially when you don’t have a history of being published.’
‘I can imagine. Have you had any luck so far.’
‘A little. I recently got a regular column for a lifestyle journal in east London with a tiny circulation but it’s a start.’
‘Well done that’s fantastic isn’t it?’
‘Yeah it is. But it’s still hard you know. This magazine doesn’t pay for the articles and the money from the café is pretty terrible. I feel a little guilty sponging off Saffron. I’m sorry Charles, this is all getting a little heavy isn’t it.’
‘Not at all Toby. Not at all. It is a delight to hear from someone who is taking a risk and chasing after their passion. I wish I could have done the same. And I’m sure that Saffron doesn’t consider that what you are doing is sponging. By the sound of things she has a great deal of faith in you and you have her full support.


Yeah she does and so do I most of the time but it´s a hell of a lot harder than you would imagine. Keeping positive about the whole thing is probably the harders thing. Successes are few and far between and and it seems terrible that it has to be that way but without a financial reward it´s all a bit bloody scary really.

So how are you surviving then. Charles