Chapter 24

‘Lets just ring the buzzer and see if anyone answers’ Andy said, grabbing Toby by the shoulder partly out of resistance and partly to keep himself standing. The day had started off as an afternoon by the river, a couple of beers and a catch up but as was often the case, two pints had turned into several pints.

‘Don’t be ridiculous mate we can’t go up there, we don’t even know whose party it is.’

‘Come on, the girls are out tonight, I’m not ready to go home yet. Look, lets just ring the buzzer and see what happens. Too late now I’ve pushed it.’

As they were about to abandon the idea the door buzzed open and after a brief pause, Andy march through the front door and up the flight of stairs towards the door that was slightly open at the top of the stairs. Before Andy had a chance to keep going Toby grabbed him by the back of the shirt.

‘You’re fucking mad you know that don’t you. We don’t even have anything to drink. We don’t know who the hell will be at this party.’

‘Relax Tobe we’re in now aren’t we, come on.’

Toby watched Andy push through the door and had no choice but to follow. As they moved through the entrance hall and into the living room which overlooked the street a few faces looked up before returning to their conversations.

‘What the hell do we do now’ he asked Andy, nervous and worried they would be sprung at any moment.

‘Look mate relax. I’ll find us a drink from somewhere, then we’ll introduce ourselves to someone and from then on we can say we know that person and that’s why we’re at the party. Simple right. Now stay here mate, I’ll be right back with a drink.’

In a second Andy had disappeared. Toby was alone. Shit. There were about three or four groups standing nearby but without a drink or an introduction he wasn’t prepared to try to break in to any of them. Instead he wandered over to the bookshelf which lined the wall closest to the window. Brilliant he thought. Alone but with a purpose. Browsing the books. A perfectly acceptable solo pastime at a party. So long as Andy arrived back soon with an introduction everything would be fine.

‘Are you a reader then?’

Toby swung around and the first thing he could think to say was sorry. It just came out.

‘No, no browse away. I only asked because I felt I should excuse my rather paltry selection. To be quite honest, I’ve only really taken to reading seriously in the past few years. I’m doing my best to catch up. I’m Charles by the way.’

‘Hi Charles very nice to meet you, I’m Toby. This is a great flat. I love Westbourne Park. I don’t get over here very often but it’s lovely round here.’

‘Thanks, yes so do I. Now Toby stay right there, you need a drink, I’ll be right back. Is wine alright?’
‘Thanks Charles that would be perfect.’

As Charles walked across the room leaving Toby alone once again his mobile started vibrating in his pocket.

‘Toby’
‘Andy? Where the hell are you. I’m stuck out here on my own.’
‘Mate we’ve got a problem.’
‘What?’
‘We’ve got a serious problem. Come and meet me in the toilet.’
‘What the hell are you going on about?’
‘Listen, don’t piss about. Just come to the toilet and I’ll explain everything.’
‘Ok, shit the guy who owns the place is coming back with a drink for me. Stay there and I’ll be there as soon as I can.’
‘Hurry ok, this is serious Toby.’
‘Ok’.

‘Here you are Toby; it’s a nice little white from Rueda in Spain. I hope you like it.’
Toby swirled his glass, narrowly avoiding spilling some of the contents over the rim of the glass and sniffing, took a restrained sip.
‘Very nice thank you.’ Toby had no idea whether it was good or bad. It tasted nice which was probably the key. The rest was for show.

‘So Toby, excuse me asking, there are just so many people here and I lose track, who did you come along with.’

Toby took a sip from his glass. Shit.

‘To be completely honest with you Charles, I don’t know anyone here.’ Here we go, Toby thought, expecting the worst and preparing for the swift exit that would surely follow.
‘No one. Really? How very odd. So how did you hear about the party?’ Charles stood in front of Toby, looking more bemused than accusatory.

‘I don’t know quite how to say this Charles, so I suppose I’ll just come out with it. I came here with a good friend of mine, a guy called Andy. I think he is in the bathroom at the moment. We spent most of the afternoon and early evening drinking and well, the truth is that we were walking past you house and we heard the music from the street and looked up and saw the party. Before I knew what was going on Andy had buzzed your buzzer and we found ourselves standing in your living room. I’m really sorry about all this, I don’t quite know what else to say apart from I am more than happy to leave if you would like me to.’

Charles stood silently in front of Toby digesting and pondering the story. He looked at Toby as if summing him up, as if deciding whether he posed any threat. And then, abruptly, roared with laughter, a high pitched cackle which caused people in neighbouring circles to turn around.

‘That is absolutely marvellous Toby. What a wonderful story. God I wish I had the balls to do that kind of thing. Of course you are welcome to stay. Absolutely marvellous. Now I must go and mingle, but come and introduce your friend to me when he turns up.’

Toby watched Charles wander away before walking quickly across the room in search of the bathroom.

‘Andy?’ Toby said knocking lightly on the toilet door.
‘Toby?’
‘Yeah its me. Whats the problem.’
The door of the bathroom opened slightly and Andy’s face appeared around the corner.
‘Come in.’
‘What?’
‘Just come in ok.’
Toby squeezed through the narrow gap Andy was offering and closed the door behind him. Andy’s face was white. He was also standing in his boxer shorts, his jeans in a pile in the basin.
‘What the hell are you doing?’ Toby said looking at Andy, at his jeans in the basin and then back at Andy.
‘Mate you won’t believe what happened.’
‘Come on.’ Toby’s look of concern turned to one of amusement. He had been worried something serious had happened.
‘Mate, I was standing here taking a piss. I had my drink in one hand ok, stop laughing you prick this is serious. I was holding myself steady with one hand and I had my drink in the other hand. Then my phone started ringing.’
‘And?’
‘I thought it might be Alex and I wanted to speak to her so I let go of my old boy and was holding my drink in one hand like I said and I reached into my other pocket with my other hand to get my phone and my boxers flicked up and Mate stop laughing, I pissed my pants.’
Toby tried not to laugh. He tried without success. In a second he was roaring with laughter much to the irritation of Andy.
‘So who was on the phone?’
‘It was my bloody mum’
This made Toby laugh even more. After a minute or so he managed to calm himself down and focussed once again on the jeans in the basin.
‘Have you washed those then?’
‘Yeah but now they are soaking.’
‘Shall we leave then?’
‘Tobe, I can’t leave like this. They are completely soaked. TO get out of here we have to go back through the party and my jeans are completely wet. Fuck I need another pair of trousers.’
‘Unfortunately I forgot my spare pair tonight. Damn it I knew I left something at home when I went out.’
‘Tobe don’t piss about this is serious.’
‘I’m not the one who pissed about here Andy. Sorry. Ok. Look, I was chatting to the guy who owns the place before, Charles, stay here for a minute and I’ll go and see if I can have a chat to him and see if we can figure something out.’
‘Yeah but I can’t stay here any longer. People keep trying to come in and use the toilet.’
‘Ok, look, go into that bedroom next door. There’s no one in there and I’ll come and find you there in a minute.

Toby flushed to toilet for show and walked back into the living room. Jesus. What the hell are we going to do now, he thought. He felt like he would break down laughing again at any moment and the expression must have shown on his face as Charles approached with a bottle of wine.

‘What’s so amusing Toby and where is this friend of your’s. I’m very keen to meet him.’

‘Actually there is a little problem with that Charles.’
‘Oh really? More wine?’
‘Thanks. We’ll I’m afraid the news is not good Charles. My friend went to the bathroom before and anyway he just called me from there and it turns out that he’s had a bit of an accident.’
‘Oh really? Oh the poor chap, he wasn’t sick was he. Must have been all those beers in the sun this afternoon no?’
‘Actually he wasn’t sick Charles. Look this is very awkward and very embarrassing. Do you think we could discuss this somewhere a little more private? Andy’s in the bedroom next to the bathroom. I told him to wait in there because he was holding up people wanting to use the toilet. I hope you don’t mind.’
‘No no not at all. Let’s go and see if we can go and help him with his little problem shall we. Come on after you’ Charles said resting his hand on Toby’s lower back a little longer than Toby would have expected.

‘Charles this is my friend Andy. Andy this is Charles, this is his apartment. I’ve told him all about our gate crashing his party.’
‘Hi Charles, I’m really sorry about all this. Great flat you have here by the way.’
‘Not at all Andy. It’s a pleasure to meet you. But might I ask where your trousers are?’ Charles obviously saw the humorous side of the situation.
‘I think you should explain Andy’ Toby said smiling.

Andy squirmed visibly on the spot, not knowing where to begin. He looked at Toby for support and then back at Charles and finally, lowering his head, recounted the story for a second time.

‘This is quite a pickle you’ve got yourself into Andy isn’t it.’ Charles’ tone told Andy that at the very least he wasn’t at all angry about the situation.

‘I know. Look im very embarrassed by the whole situation. I don’t know what else to say.’

‘Say nothing. Its not everyday one finds an attractive young man in his bedroom trouseless.’ Andy looked at toby and then back at Charles unsure how to answer this.

‘Relax Andy im just teasing you. Look probably the sensible thing to do is for me to lend you a clean pair of trousers and then you can bring them back to me next week sometime or when you can.’

‘God that’s bloody kind of you Charles are you really sure?2
‘Of course I’m sure, though by the look of those lovely long legs of yours they may be a little on the short side.’

‘Short is better than wet Charles. Thank you very much.’
‘Don’t mention it again now here, throw these on and won’t you come and have another drink?’
‘Thanks Charles but we might slip away if you don’t mind, I think we’ve had enough excitement for the night.